Greetings, dear readers. Today, I share with you a chapter of my journey that isn’t filled with the usual excitement and inspiration. The path to success is often paved with challenges, and recently, I’ve encountered a hurdle that has left me grappling with self-doubt and questioning the viability of my dreams in the modeling industry.

A Forced Pause

The picturesque landscapes of Badlands National Park are now a distant memory as I find myself still dealing with this ankle—a souvenir from an adventure that took an unexpected toll on my fledgling modeling career. What was meant to be a stepping stone in the vibrant city of New York has turned into a detour of unforeseen proportions.

Dreams Deferred

Canceling a modeling job in New York City was a decision made out of necessity, not weakness. The pain in my ankle, as advised by a doctor, requires time to heal, and taking a step back was a crucial yet difficult choice. However, this decision seemed to be met with a lack of understanding and empathy from the marketing manager, Allison, who implied that my unwillingness to put my health at risk reflected weakness and a lack of character. She told me in no uncertain terms that I will never make it in the modeling industry and that even if I do she will never work with me again.

A Weighted Consequence

Since that conversation, a heavy cloud of depression has settled over me. Allison’s words reverberate in my mind, echoing doubts and fueling a sense of unworthiness. The dreams I once held with enthusiasm now seem at risk, and the setback feels like more than just a temporary obstacle—it feels like a step backward in a world that demands constant forward momentum.

Unjust Criticism

The fashion industry is renowned for its challenges, but questioning someone’s strength for prioritizing their health feels like an unjust critique. As a model, there’s a fine line between pushing boundaries and understanding the limitations of one’s body. My experience shows me that this is most likely ignored by too many in this world I’ve wanted so desperately to be a part of. This incident has forced me to confront the industry’s expectations and grapple with the unfair pressure placed on individuals to sacrifice well-being for success.

A Creative Block

The weight of these struggles has seeped into my creative space, leaving me unmotivated and unable to write for over a week. The once-inspiring stories of Angel and Jacob (Death, the Reaper of Souls), now feel distant as I navigate the emotional turbulence brought on by external expectations and internal doubts.

A Gentle Reminder

In sharing this chapter, I hope to shed light on the not-so-glamorous side of chasing dreams. The journey is not always a steady ascent; sometimes, it involves navigating dips, detours, and unexpected setbacks. This is a gentle reminder to anyone facing similar challenges that setbacks are not synonymous with failure—they are opportunities for resilience and growth. This is challenging for me to write, though, as I truly do not feel like I can accept the advice I’ve giving to all of you reading this. At this moment, I feel like these setbacks will result in my own failure. I fear putting myself back out there and risking this negative pressure and unfair assessment of me, as a person.

Finding Strength in Vulnerability

As I navigate through this challenging period, I choose to embrace vulnerability as a source of strength. It’s okay to acknowledge the difficulties, to take a step back and heal, both physically and emotionally. Success is not defined solely by unyielding perseverance but also by the ability to navigate setbacks with resilience and self-compassion. This is the exact place I struggle as I write these words.

Until next time, as I navigate the complexities of my emotions and strive to find the balance between pursuing dreams and honoring the needs of my well-being. 💔