Hello, dear readers. Today, I write from the heart of Portland, a city known for its eclectic charm and vibrant spirit. Yet, as I embark on a photoshoot here, the shadows of recent events cast a poignant hue over this journey.

The Arrival

Portland greeted me with its unique blend of lush greenery and urban allure. The air is thick with creativity, but the echoes of recent loss reverberate, painting the landscape with a bittersweet tinge. It’s a stark contrast to the vibrant energy I usually feel when stepping into a new city, a testament to the weight of the recent farewell to my dear friend, Alan.

Shadows of Loss

Navigating a photoshoot under these circumstances is undoubtedly challenging. The lens captures more than just the external; it mirrors the internal battles, the shadows that dance beneath a veneer of professionalism. The essence of Portland’s beauty clashes with the complexities of grief, creating a juxtaposition that is both poignant and emotionally charged.

The Fear to Cancel

As I grapple with the emotional turbulence, a fear lingered—the fear of canceling the photoshoot. The specter of my encounter with Allison in New York City looms large in my mind. The unsympathetic response, the implication that one must endure physical and emotional pain for the sake of a career, still echoes. This fear, coupled with the recent loss of Alan, becomes a tightrope walk between personal well-being and professional commitments.

A Tribute to Alan

In the midst of this internal struggle, I find myself yearning for the presence of my friend, Sara. Her familiar support would have been a comforting presence in this unfamiliar terrain. The absence of Alan is keenly felt, his memory casting a long shadow over the vibrant streets of Portland. Each click of the camera feels like a tribute to him—a celebration of life, even in the face of loss.

Sara’s absence amplifies the weight of solitude. In these moments, I wish she had accompanied me on this journey, a companion to navigate the emotional complexities that come with both personal loss and the demands of a career in the limelight. The laughter and shared moments would have been a soothing balm for the wounds left by recent events.

A Journey Through Shadows

As I navigate this photoshoot in Portland, a city that now carries the imprint of my own emotional landscape, I am acutely aware of the shadows that accompany me. Yet, I press forward, driven by Alan’s belief in me, and the belief that even amidst loss, there are moments of beauty waiting to be captured.

A Bittersweet Tribute

Dear readers, bear with me through this journey. Portland, with its charm and challenges, becomes a bittersweet tribute—a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, even when faced with the shadows of loss. Until next time, I will continue to navigate the intricacies of life through the lens. 📸💔🌹